Letters From Our Vacation Part 2 of ?

Hey Cool Birds, this is part 2 of my wife's letter's from our vacation. for those of you that missed the last group of letters click here...

Holy S*** Wednesday (sorry Mom but it was necessary)

After such an amazing Tuesday we couldn’t get to sleep.  We talked and watched some BBC News (it’s the only thing in English on TV).  I re-packed, got clean, and dressed for the next day (you know I hate to wake up any earlier than necessary).  Rudy set the alarm for 8 am so we could make it to the hotel’s breakfast and then check out by 11:30 am.  We were changing hotels later on in the day.  We went to sleep around 3:15 am.

I was rudely awakened by the phone ringing.  It was the front desk asking if we had decided to stay.  I said no and she said that it was 11:50 am and that check out was at 11:30 am.  Rudy’s alarm did not go off.  We jumped out of bed and hurried to get ourselves together, grab all of our stuff, and run to the front desk to check out.  I didn’t even get to put make-up on until we got to the lobby.  Needless to say we missed breakfast.  This was not the way to start the day.  Luckily the hotel did not charge us extra for checking out late and they held our luggage until we returned from our day trip.

We went to Fior Fiore again for lunch.  This time we had Gnocchi.  Rudy got Tomato Gnocchi and I got Cheese Gnocchi.  They were both good in flavors although Rudy’s was better.  His Gnocchi was lighter and the flavor was brighter.  We ended up sharing. 

We left and headed off to see our next site… Vatican City.  Now let’s clear a few things up.  I’m not religious and Catholicism really isn’t my thing, however, it is a site worth seeing.  We walked there and as we approached the view became more fantastic.  It was like the scene when Dorothy and the gang entered the Emerald City.  It seemed fairytale-ish.  We bypassed the ridiculously long line of tourists dressed in matching shirts and hats by walking around to the back side of the Vatican.  We entered and had a flashback of airport security although they were less frisky.  Good thing too.  This is a place of God not strip show.  LOL!!

We bought our tickets and went at it alone.  No $60 per person tours for us!!  We were smart enough to figure it out on our own and we need to watch our pennies.  Italy is expensive!!  Turns out we’re not that smart but luckily for us we didn’t need to be.  The Vatican is just one ostentatious love letter.  Love letter to whom?  No, not God, it’s a love letter to the pope.  As overwhelmingly beautiful as some individual aspects were, it was equally (if not more so) overwhelmingly disgusting and gawdy (not Godly).  I just kept wondering why a “man of God” needs to be so showy. 

The Vatican is full of religious artifacts (as we all knew it would be), historical do-dads, works of art, oh and a little thing I like to call the genius room.  You may know it as The Sistine Chapel.  Now as much as I was rather turned off by the blatant “rub my wealth in your face” of it all of the pope’s place, I have to say that the jaw dropping amazingness of The Sistine Chapel is a sight to behold with one’s own eyes.  I have often heard of art making people have physical reactions but have never experience myself until today.  The beauty and the technique actually made me weep (not cry but weep).  I can’t really even begin to describe what I saw but I’ll give it a pathetic try.

Side note: Right before we walked it Rudy and I took a potty break.  Excuse the crudeness of this next bit but Rudy had the chance to make His bathroom time holy and He did.   LOL!!

 

Anywhoo, we walked in and amidst the crowd I found myself taken aback with the enormity of work and the extreme detail.  As an artist I can’t imagine ever even tackling a wall let alone a chapel of this size.  The lower walls were painted to look like woven curtains that shimmered with gold.  The play between light and dark with the paint actually caused them to appear to be moving.  It was crazy.  The walls and the ceiling are covered in a story that I don’t know but will soon find out (I’m actually going to have to research this in detail).  Every stroke was intentional.  The walls and the ceiling looked like people and architectural details were carved out and sculpted but they weren’t. It’s all an optical illusion.  I can’t even fathom how anyone can think the way one would need to think to produce a piece of artwork that encompasses a story, this level of technique, and this size. Michelangelo is nothing short of a genius.  I’m glad the Vatican exists just so the Chapel can (Yup, we’re that tight now that I can drop the Sistine).  After we saw that there was no need to see anything else, so we left.

We began our long walk back to our first hotel to pick up our luggage and catch a $22 crazy cab ride to our next hotel.  Italians drive CRAZY!!  We got to our new hotel which seems to be somewhat removed from the city.  We’ll have to check that out in the days to come.  We decided to eat at the hotel restaurant but had to wait 2 hours for it to open.  It wasn’t worth the wait.  They served me the wrong dish.  It was a horror film featuring spaghetti and funghi (mushroom in Italian).  It was so disgusting I didn’t eat more than a bite but I’m sure I’ll be having nightmares about it.  No need to write more about tonight’s dinner.  It was a failure.

So far we’re not crazy about this new hotel.  Let’s hope tomorrow is better.  It’s seems to be in the middle of nowhere with horrible internet service that they make you pay for.  It hasn’t been working since we bought it.  We’ve been trying since 6 pm yesterday.  Currently it’s 8:39 am.  We haven’t slept. 

We’ve been dreaming of our escape from this crappy hotel.  It looks nice but everything that glitters isn’t gold.  We’re hoping to meet someone off of Couch Surfers.  Hopefully he’ll take us around the city but who knows.  Today (Thursday) is a holiday here.  Things are looking up.  We just got internet service so we can shoot this blog out to you all.  If you don’t hear from us for a couple days it’s because we’re still stuck in hotel hell.  We’ll get in touch with you when we get to Madrid on Sat. night.  Wish us luck!!

Tired Thursday
Hello All,

We went to bed about 9 am and got up around 5 pm.  We slept all day.  We finally escaped our hotel prison tonight (Thursday).  We really hate this place.  We took a cab into the city, ate at a few places (I got more deliciousness from my Gelato Shop), and looked at a few of the festive happenings around the town.  Missing the comfort and convenience, we wandered back to our first hotel.  We asked them to call a taxi for us.  They're so lovely.  They called us a cab and invited us in so we didn't have to wait in the cold.  We miss them.  This was our least interesting day but we plan to go to bed at a decent hour tonight (it's only 12:35 am Friday) and then get up to explore the town on our last full day in Rome.

Filling Friday

Today was our last full day in Rome.  We went and saw the Georgia O'Keeffe exhibit, got some delicious treats from the Gelato Shop (Coffee & Caramel Ice Cream for me and Pear and White Fig Sorbet for Rudy), walked /got lost in the streets of Rome (it was cool though, we needed to kill time), had the worse hot chocolate EVER!!, and then went back to our new favorite restaurant, AnticaPesa, where we enjoyed a marvelous meal.  Now it's time to pack.  We're off to see Madrid tomorrow night!!

Things I’ve learned or observed while being in Rome-

• Cypress Trees bring a new focal point in the sky for my eyes.  They look like beautiful broccoli jetting up from the earth, dwarfing everything else around them.

• While the Italian language is lovely, it is great to hear the familiar sounds of American English.  It almost becomes like a breath for the ears.
• Ice is wonderful.  While being here I have found out that cold drinks seem to be rare.  Even drinks that are presented to us as cold really seem to be room temperature.  Asking for ice is like asking for the moon.  “What a strange request?”, seems to be the physical response I get.
• I appreciate water.  Water out here is pretty gross to me.  The tap water is hard and the bottled water is almost thick and not refreshing at all, however, it is better than the soda which is odd tasting to say the least.  Water and soda are more expensive than beer and wine.  It’s like they’re pushing everyone to be alcoholics.
• Simplicity in cooking is under-rated.  If done correctly it can have just as big of an impact (if not more) than some fancy schmancy, complicated dish.
• While Italian food is divine, there is a lot to be said about the diversity found in the American food culture.  I’d love to mix my Italian food up from time to time with a little Mexican, Chinese, or Soul food. 
• It amazes me how businesses stay in business whilst selling the exact same thing as everyone else.  While I understand we do the same thing in the states to some extent, the way it is done here seems to be more concentrated.  Everyone on the block seems to be selling the exact same thing in the exact same way as the guy next to them and the ones around the corner. Once again, I miss variety.
• Cobblestone streets suck!!  They are cute but not practical.
• There are no “real” driving laws in this town.  Watching people drive here is like watching a sport at its nail biting conclusion.  You never know if the “mini” semi is going to fit down the alley that barely seems large enough for a motorcycle or if the motorcycle will be able to swerve in and out of the way of pedestrians and other vehicles in an “S” like formation without injuring someone or if the taxi cab white-lining through traffic will get its passengers safely to their destination.
• With the aforementioned being said, taxi cab rides are like rollercoaster rides at your favorite amusement park.  They are bumpy, twisty, and dangerous but oddly fun (most of the time).
• In tiny vehicles (which is every vehicle out here.  Even bigger cars/trucks seem smaller in comparison to cars in the US.), you can park any way you please.  We saw a row of tiny cars parked in every direction right next to each other.
• Being in a taxi cab, in any place that is foreign to you, is a gamble.  You hope that the cab driver is trustworthy.  You pray that they will not take you to a location off the beaten path and put you in a crazy situation where death or ransom becomes your only options.  You hope that they get you where you need to be in the fastest, cheapest, and safest way possible but because you are new to this place you’ll probably never know. 
• Being a visible minority in a new place where I’m not sure or comfortable with the way I am being received gives me an odd appreciation for cultural understanding as I have come to know it in the states (ie- racism).  At least I know where and if I’m “wanted” most of the time back home.  Here it is a guessing game.  The stares and comments in Italian leave me wondering.
• Smiling is severely under-rated as is genuine polite human contact.  The few times Rudy and I felt as if we were making a “connection” with someone outside of ourselves we drank it in like water and we had been wondering out in the desert.
• Watching Italians walk past amazing historical monuments without batting an eye makes me realize how we all take the wonders of our world for granted.
• There seems to be a definite “look” with regards to style that Italians have.  Belted puffy/plush jackets with boots, elaborate scarves, interesting color/texture/pattern combinations.
• Italian women are talented.  Their ability to walk all day in stilettos on cobblestone without stumbling or looking like they’re in pain is astonishing.
• Italian women seem to love Patten leather.
• Italian men seem to love the color lavender.

• Italian kids seem to have a lot of individual style and personality.

• Brown people in this town have it rough.  Indians and Senegalese men corner the market for street vending.  I know that they’re only trying to make a living but the sheer number of them makes walking down the street annoying.  If you are Brown and you’re not a street merchant you have to overcome that stigma.  You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.  It kinda sucks.
• I love yards!! Front yards and backyards seem to be missing from this landscape.
• The aforementioned being said, Rome seems very much like San Francisco.
• There don’t seem to be any bugs in Italy.  The whole time we’ve been here I’ve seen 1 gnat.  That’s it!!
• I miss smoke free air.  People smoke like chimneys out here.  I love the ban we have on smoking in California and hope it only becomes more rigorous.
• Michelangelo was a true genius!!
• Georgia O’Keeffe’s art was given way too much weight and depth.

• Again Michelangelo was a true genius.  I don’t even really like the style of art he did but his technique and vision were so phenomenal and awe-inspiring that I’ll be a fan for life.
• It’s great to have your best friend to travel with to keep things “normal” and light when they really aren’t.

Letters From Our Vacation Part 1 of ?

     Hey EVERYONE, welcome back for another edition of The Penguin Gazette! Today I have a very special guest writer for you. She goes by the name of Anya, that's right today I am bringing you the wonderful words of my wife. Who better to bring you all an overseas view than an artist? Her colorful words are sure to delight you and leave you more than satisfied. So in December of last year we went on a little vacation to Rome and Madrid then back down to San Francisco, all in all about three weeks. The writings that you will be reading are from the 2 weeks abroad (because this is where all the madness happened). I will do my best to provide pictures but I will not be adding or subtracting anything. So without further hold up I present the first part of our "mini drama" called "Letters From Our Vacation" Part 1!

Hello All,

I just wanted to let you know that we made it to Rome safely.  The first two legs of the trip were fine (smooth sailing).  The last leg from Frankfurt kind of sucked.  My carry-on bag broke right as we were getting off the plane.  After being dropped off basically on the tarmac, we took a shuttle to the main airport, we herded like cattle (it smelled and reminded me about movies I have seen of the Holocaust).  Then while going through a security check point they pulled me out of line and really really searched me.  I felt like I was getting a public visit to the Gyno.  It sucked.  Then they threw away my water bottle.  After we cleared the checkpoint we had to hightail it at least a mile to make our next flight.  We didn't get to sit together on the last flight but at least the staff was friendly and the flight wasn't full.

We got picked up promptly by the hotel driver and then were whisked through the tight streets of Rome.  Along the way we saw the public bath house, the Colleseum, and the Spanish Steps (which is right next to our first hotel).

Now we are about to meet up with Brandon's friend, Janel, to eat some pizza.  We're so excited to be here.  It's FANTASTIC scenery.  We miss ya'll.  Talk to you soon.

Hello All,

So Janel took us to this little Pizzeria where I had a delicious Prosciutto Pizza and a bottled Sprite for lunch/dinner/linner.  The Sprite tasted foreign.  LOL!!  It didn't taste like what I'm use to. Although the pizza was good, I didn't like the crust that much.  It was thin, crispy, and powdery.  Ya'll know I'm more of a CARBivore than anything else.  I LOVE BREAD!!  Then we saw a few pretty sights.  The city view is so interesting to my eyes.  It's this odd mix of ancient, semi-modern, and Hollywood movie set. I was warned before I got here about the street merchants.  I got punched in the arm with roses (several times) by aggressive flower street merchants.  They really wanted me to buy them.  They went as far a shoving them in my hands repeatedly and then following us.  We went to a church where it seems they had tombs on the floor.  There we lots of dead people and cherubs (BOO!! to corpses and naked babies.  YAY!! to amazing architecture and deep vibrancy in old paintings).  We almost got caught up in a mass but I'm way too much of a heathen for that to happen.  LOL!! (That one's for you, Mom.)  Then we went to a Gelato shop where I had Basil Ice Cream and Lemon Sorbet in front of the Pantheon.  What a view!!  Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Hello All,

This is what happened Tuesday.

It was a rough night of pretend sleeping.  I was up and active (not necessarily lucid though) about every 2 hours.  When it was light outside I stepped out on the balcony.  It was overcast but still nice.  It's was not cold.  The air was crisp but it smelled just like cigarettes.  The view was the backs of other buildings and a semi courtyard down below (we were on the 3rd floor).  It kind of looked like an Italian version of the French Quarter at Disneyland.

We attempted to make it to our hotels breakfast but were too late.  By the time Rudy got there everything had been picked over.  We decided to eat at a little restaurant right next door called Fior Fiore.  We ordered Salami and Cheese Panini’s and sat outside.  The streets are really narrow and basically are alley’s with tons of stuff to do in them.  Sitting outside is an adventure in and of itself.  People rushed up and down the cobble stone road staring at us like animals that have escaped from the zoo (they don’t see many Black or Mexican’s here, I guess) as Vespas swerved around them. Delivery trucks and mini taxi cabs barely squeeze through.  At one point half of my foot was hanging over the ledge of the “platform” that was still considered part of the restaurant dining area, and a truck came barreling down the alley.  I was 2 inches from being toeless.  I snatched my foot in just in time. It’s crazy to watch how pedestrians, driver’s, and businesses interact with each other in these tiny spaces pretending to be streets.  The Panini’s were simple yet tasty and just enough to get us through the bulk of the day. 

After brunch, we walked back to the Pantheon.  This time we went inside.  It was huge and the architecture was mindboggling.  The question that continued to run through my mind is “How’d they get up there?”  We snapped a couple pictures to proved we’d been there and decided to go back to the yummy little Gelato shop for some more of the tasty goodness that we had the night before.  (My plan is to eat  ice cream, gelato, or sorbet every day I’m here.)

Rudy (as is always the case when we get away from So. Cal) figured out how to navigate the streets pretty well.  He led us back to our hotel so that we could unwind/rest up for the rest of our day.  It’s a good thing He did because the rest of the day was jammed packed. 

Janel met us at our room around 2:45p.  She became our official tour guide.  She walked us pass The Spanish Steps, took us to the Trevi Fountain (we made a wish and took pictures), and then walked down and around windy narrow streets until we came across a humongous monument called the Monumento A VittorioEmmanuele II.  After we finished gawking at the enormity of this structure, we continued our walk through Rome.  The streets widen (slightly) and it got a little less crowded.  We passed a huge plot of land covered in ruins.
 
Side note:  Who decided when the ruins were ruined enough to be considered ruins and just left them there as a “shining” example of what use to be? 

We trudged pass countless Indian street merchants selling everything from gorilla tri-pods, scarves, and umbrellas, to the seemingly popular gelatinous fluorescent colored blobs that they would slam to the ground and make them splat and then watch them re-form into the blob once again.  I think they are only popular to the street merchants themselves as they didn’t seem to be selling any but they all seem to have them.  We have begun ignoring them all together.  You can’t show the slightest interest in what they are doing or selling or they’ll be on you like flies on poop.  It’s rather hard blatantly ignoring people over and over again but if you want to make it to your destination with money and time you learn to do it.  When in Rome…
Our next destination was the Coliseum.  Although we didn’t go in, we did walk all the way around and looked at it from several different vantage points.  It was amazing.  Janel regaled us with tales of why it was built, how it was paid for, and interesting little facts about this massive structure like: it fits 20,000 people and was built so perfectly that all 20,000 could evacuate in 15 minutes if necessary.  WOW!!

We wandered through the city and over the river to get to our next destination… DINNER!!  Janel had heard about this restaurant, AnticaPesa, known for its’ authentic Roman cuisine.  We got to this little unassuming place around 6 pm only to find out that they did not open till 7:30 pm (which is very typical for restaurants in Rome).  We decided to wander nearby until then.  We walked up and down around these tiny streets in search of a gelato shop.  I figured it’s always a good time to have dessert.  We found one and I got a small Anana’s (Pineapple) Gelato.  We sat on the steps of what looked to be a church and talked and ate.  We walked back to AnticaPesa to find out that this place seems to be rather famous and many celebrities like Dinero and Pacino have eaten here.  We didn’t know then but we were about to enjoy the meal of a lifetime.

Now you all know that I love a good food experience.  What happened at AnticaPesa was an unexpected journey into heaven’s waiting room.  I say this because I this was one of the top 3 meals of my life up till now and only food beyond the pearly gates could be better.  Now I am only going to speak about my food until we get to dessert.  To start I had this appetizer that cost 20 Euro (that’s almost $27).  For that price I was hoping that this Burrata and Dried Tomato Hemisphere with Red Prawns, Basil and Balsamic Vinegar Sauces would be my dinner.  When it arrived I knew it would not be.  It was beautiful but small.  What it lacked in size it more than made up for in flavor.  It was a treat for my palate.  The Burrata was thick but creamy in a way I’ve never quite experienced before.  The dried Tomato dome it was encapsulated in was a tart break from the thickness of the cheese.  The tiny Red Prawns tasted as if they had been sun kissed, put on my plate, and then quickly set on the table for me to enjoy.  They were full of right out of the water flavors.  The Basil and Balsamic Vinegar Sauces brightened up the dish which left me excited to experience my entrée. 

  Spaghetti Cacio e Pepe is a dish I have never heard of before.  It’s just Spaghetti w/ Cheese and Black Pepper (Parmesan Reggiano and Pecorino to be specific).  When it came to the table on a black plate, it just looked like a pile of plain spaghetti.  Boy, was I wrong.  I learned when you’re naturally beautiful, you don’t need make-up.  As I took my first bite I was punched in the mouth with flavors unlike I had ever experience before.  It was an explosion.  The pasta was cooked perfectly.  It had that bite to it that made it text book al dente.  You could tell love and mastery came together to prepare this meal.  Just a second more or less and the pasta would not have been right.  The cheese flavor bounced all over my mouth and every once and a while the black pepper would stop by to say “hi”.   It was literally one of the best things I’ve ever eaten. 

 Before our desserts came out the chef treated us to a shot glass full of a lovely light Panna Cota with a Raspberry Sauce.  It was a delicious little palate cleanser.  For dessert I ordered a Puff Pastry Rosemary Crème, and Caramelized Chestnut’s, Kumquats, Raisins, and Pine Nuts.   While I’m not a fan of Chestnuts or Pine Nuts, I really wanted to try the Rosemary Crème.  I was good but the real star of the dessert course was Rudy’s  Buffalo’s Stracchino Cheesecake w/ Candied Orange Peels and Gaeta Olives Caramel.  It was a light Cheesecake bursting with all the right flavors especially when combined the tartness of the Berry Sauce and the sweetness of the Candied Peels.  The crust was even amazing!!  To top it all off there was piece of hardened Sugar with black specks in it.  I broke off a piece that had some specks and realized once I put it in my mouth that Jesus must have sent His chef to cook for us.  The specks were Olives and the sweetness and almost burnt taste of the Sugar paired with the brininess of the Olives was a stroke of divine intervention.  I can’t say enough good things about our meal there.  The ambiance was nice.  The staff was superb.  The food was BRILLIANT!!  Rudy and I paid about 96 Euro for our meal.  That’s about $129.  It was worth every penny.  We left full, amazed, and happy.  We walked just over an hour to our hotel.  It was 11:35 pm.  We said goodbye to Janel and goodbye to a fabulous day.  This is why I came to Rome....

To be continued...

Editor & Chief of The Penguin Gazette,

Rudy

The Classiest Logo I've Ever Had

Hey Everyone,

Today I am posting for all my "CLASSY" birds out there. The reason is simple, I got a new logo for the new year!! This months logo is from two guys that I am very happy to know. They have been very loyal followers, but more than that these guys have been mentors and friends to me. It didn't matter if I had a question about gadgets for my blog or if I just wanted to hear what they thought about my latest post, these guys were there with help and encouraging words. They were even one of the first established bloggers to read and follow my little (but growing) blog, and for that I thank them. That's enough of the mushy shit...

Brandon Meyers and Bryan Pedas are the genius' behind A Beer for the Shower. This site has it all, laughs, crazy stories that keep you on your toes, and some of the finest art that MSPaint can offer! Some of my more loyal readers may recognize these guys as I made them my blog of the month for their post about ugly babies. That was one of the first posts I stumbled upon and it had me nodding my head in agreement and slapping my knee from laughter. It was the best first impression I ever got from a blog, and every post since has further reinforced their AWESOMNEISITY and I highly recommend reading all of their posts plus their new book (pick yours up today!!!) I totally plan on buying one as soon as I can scrounge up the 99 cents needed to get this literary masterpiece (maybe one of my readers will buy a copy, get it signed and send it to me....fuck I'm cheap huh).

I recently sent Brandon and Bryan my questionnaire, so that you fine people could better get to know them and their answers were great! Every question was answered with quips and flaming poop! Why don't I just let you read what they wrote? Here you go, my interview with ABftS?

Name (First only necessary add the last only if you want to).
Brandon Meyers and Bryan Pedas

Age (not birthday)
27 and 28

Where you live (just the area not address)
Chicago, IL and Denver, CO

When did you start blogging/writing and what inspired you to do it?
We started this blog with the plans of it being a promotional tool for the novel we'd received an offer from a major publisher for. That fell through, and now it's a web comic outlying our trials and tribulations as writers.

Out of all the blogs you've written, which one would you say you're most proud of and which one is your favorite?
Brandon - I'm going to do a double whammy here and answer "Twilight: Breaking Down" for both.

   Bryan - He totally called it.

Where do you see yourself (in relation to your blog/writing life) in 2 and 3/4 years from now? (thats 2 and 3 quarters, gotta be random)
Brandon - By that point, if I keep with the current trend of the last few years, I should have another three novel manuscripts under my belt. Probably one with Bryan and two of my own. Hopefully there will be more money involved in both the blog and books. By that time, I think our web presence will be strong enough that we'll be fielding a lot of interest from multiple media arenas. All I want is a movie check. That's not too much to ask for is it?

   Bryan - With movies like The Sitter and Mission Impossible 12: Tom Cruise Fights Osteoporosis cluttering our theaters, I don't think that's too much to ask. I'm sure you can see that both of us are really driven, so yes, I'd say there's success somewhere in there. Whether it's writing, or blogging, or amateur hand modeling, or all of the above, I don't know, but we're breaking through somehow. We can only go up from here.

What did you think of this contest process and will you tell others about it?
I think it's a great contest process, and I'll definitely tell people about it, but it depends on who. For example, if I tell my mom, she'll remind me that being a writer or a blogger isn't a "real job." Or if I tell my neighbor, he'll tell me, "get off my lawn you dirty Mexican" (he's an old white racist). So I guess I should say I'll only tell the people that matter.

What is the last thing you want to be known for saying or doing or both?
Making good books is at the top of the list. Giving people enjoyment. I also envision myself at the age of eighty-five, hobbling to the doorstep of Stephenie Meyer's McMormansion and lighting a bag of dog crap aflame on the stoop.

Lastly, do you have any questions for me?
What the hell does an appendix do, anyway?

(this is what an appendix does)

Click to enlarge...he he he

Oh and I guess more lastlier (lol) is there anything else you want to tell my readers, which will probably soon be your readers soon?
If you would be so kind, would you buy our cheap-ass yet hilarious novel, The Missing Link, on Amazon.com and leave a review? It's only 99 cents, because we don't care about the money, we just want people to read it. I promise you'll enjoy it. Unless you don't like funny things. Or books. Or puppies. Sorry, no refunds.

I told you the answers where great! I don't know if you noticed, but they mentioned their favorite post being their take on the "Twilight" saga (by "saga" I mean endless tales of bullshit), well I have some of that post right here for you here (just enough to get you hooked). Here you go!

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Down
 Like any straight man with good taste, we've never had any desire to read the Twilight series*, but that hasn't stopped us from wanting to know why it's so goddamn popular. And so, we've bitten the bullet and done our homework in an effort to spare anyone we can from having to succumb to this literary abortion. Without further ado, our guide to Twilight, from book one to book four.

There you have it, folks. Twilight in a nutshell. AKA, nonsensically dramatic teenage angst (with a bit of violence toward women and sex with babies) as recollected by a middle-aged Mormon lady. She probably has a lot of cats. At least one for every ten million bucks in the bank. Now, if you'll excuse us, there's a bus coming, and we need to make sure we're standing in front of it.

*(For the record, both of us actually read the first "novel" in the series, forcing ourselves to read this turd for the sole purpose of being able to fully defend our bashing of it. The rest of our research came from passages found directly within the books. And yes, from a writer's standpoint, they're all fucking turds.)

Cheers and stay classy, folks,

-Bryan and Brandon

Beer: Breckenridge Agave Wheat

Music: The Kooks (live, bitches!)

P.S. If you're looking for contemporary vampire stories that don't blow ass, check out the following:

-Bloodsucking Fiends by Christopher Moore (humor, and actually you ought to read any of his books)

-Salem's Lot by Stephen King (horror)

-American Vampire by Scott Snyder (graphic novel series)

-Carpe Jugulum by Terry Pratchett (humor)

*if you want to see the page with the still pictures instead of the video, click here

Well everyone there you have it, the artistic duo behind this months ever-so-classy logo! Bryan and Brandon are two wonderful guys and I would love to be drawn into one of their posts (hint hint wink wink). If you haven't had a beer in the shower you are missing out! To further understand how to enjoy your showered beer click here. Make sure you check these guys out and leave real comments, because we love to hear what you think as bloggers but  "nice post" makes us all want to punch you in the face...right in the face!

Until next time...

Editor & Chief of The Penguin Gazette,

Rudy

Eat St. Video Contest: Get your vote on!

Hey Everyone,

I know this is a little odd of me to post in the middle of the week but I just wanted to inform everyone that there is a HUGE contest going on and I (Rudy of the wonderfully delightful and amazingly supportive Penguin Gazette) want to let you all in on it. Eat Street, a Food Network TV show based on Food Trucks and all their glory (that yours truly had the chance to be on) is trying to spread the Food Truck Gospel to all of the non-believers out there! They want everyone know that these trucks are more than mere "roach coaches" and what better way to do that than to have a show about them! So without further adieu, why don't I let the guys from @EatStTweet tell you all about it. TAKE IT AWAY GUYS!!!

Over the last few months, food truck operators across North America have been busy submitting their videos to the Eat St. contest, telling us why they think they should be the next truck featured on the show. We've received touching, hilarious and informative submissions from across Canada and the US and now it's time for food truck lovers and foodies to show their favourite cart some support by voting for their favourite video! 

T H E  P R I Z E

So, what will your support mean for a lucky, hard working food cart vendor? The  winning video may appear on TV and/or on the Eat St. website and will be given to the winner to use and distribute as they please (think: free professional video for advertising purposes!).  The five videos with the highest number of votes from fans will win the Fan Favourite award and will be eligible to win the grand prize – an Eat St. segment starring their cart!

V O T I N G

Eat St. fans cast your votes from Jan. 5 to Jan. 31, 2012 for the vendor you would most like to see on the television show. You can vote once per day! Just be sure to register for an account on the contest website in order to cast your vote (this ensures your privacy and eliminates spam). Voting opens on January 5th, 2012 at 1pm (PT)/ 4pm (ET). In the meantime, you can check out the awesome videos submitted and register to vote:http://memelabs.com/eat-st/

T H E  T R U C K S

Be sure to give your favourite food truck a shout out once you vote! Our contest hashtag on Twitter is: #eatstvotes

Alfresco Mobilista - South Carolina - @AlfMob

Blues City Biscuits  - Portland, OR - @BCBiscuits

Bill's Hotdogs - San Jose, CA - Bill's Hotdogs Facebook

Bernie's Burger Bus - Houston, TX- @BerniesBurgers

Chef Johnson's Johnson - Westchester, NY - @johnsontruck

Chunk n Chip - all over California - @chunknchip

Colibri Cuisine - Austin, TX - @ColibriCuisine

Create Burger - El Paso, TX - @CreateGoEats

Dogellos - Austin, TX - @DOGellos

Go Fish Food Truck from Brother Trucker - Boston, MA - @BrotherTrucker

Dusty Buns Bistro - Central Valley, CA - @dustybunsbistro

Hail Caesar - Atlanta, GA - @CaesarTruck

Gorilla Cheese - Hamilton, ONT, Canada - @Gorilla_Cheese

Gourmet Rockstars -Palo Alto, CA - @GourmetRockstar

Guanaco - Vancouver, BC, Canada - @guanacotruck

Hello My Name is BBQ - Charleston, SC - @hellobbq

Westcott Country Kitchen - Didsbury, AB, Canada - Facebook Page

Ruthie's Rolling Café - Dallas, TX - @Ruthiesrolling

Memphis Munchies - Memphis, TN - @Memphismunchies

Momogoose - Boston, MA - @Momogoose

Oz Patisserie - Albuquerque, NM - @ozpatisserie

Papas Tapas MIA - Miami, FL - @PapasTapasMIA

Fat Boys House of BBQ - Bethlehem, PA - @fbhouseofbbq

Messy Giuseppe - St. Paul, MN - @MessyGTruck

Red Jett Sweets - Fort Worth, TX - @redjettsweetsFW

Red Oven Pizza - Carlsbad, CA - @RedOvenPizza

Smitten Ice Cream - San Francisco, CA - @Smittenicecream

Soho Road - Vancouver, BC, Canada - @SohoRoad

Soho Taco - Orange Country, CA - @SOHOTACO

The Bacon Wagon - Dallas, Fort Worth, TX - @baconwagon

Wing Xpress - Houston, TX - @WingXpress

Bacon Bacon - San Francisco, CA - @baconbaconsf

Twirlees- Chatham, ON, Canada- @twirlees

Way South Philly - Austin, TX - @waysouthphilly

Streat Food - Ferndale, WA - @streatfood

Hot Diggity Dog - Erieau Beach, ON, Canada

The Cinnamon Snail - Hoboken, NJ - @veganlunchtruck

El Diablo Tacos - Brooklyn, NY - @eldiablotacos

Wandering Bean - Toronto, ON, Canada

Chef Shack - Mpls./St.Paul, MN - @chefshack1

Luncha Libre - Phoenix, AZ - @LunchaLibre

So-Cal Tacos - Dallas, Fort Worth, Texas - @socaltacos

Puerto Vallarta Amigos - Victoria, BC, Canada - @pvamigos

Mama Marci's - Hoboken, New Jersey - @mammamarci

Sweiner's Swiss style hot dogs - San Diego, CA

49er Kitchen - El Paso, TX

Eat Jo Dawgs - Dallas, FW, TX - @eatjodawgs

Guapos Tacos - Philadelphia - @guapostacos

Mad dog Underground Cafe - Texas

Nammi Truck - Dallas, FW, TX - @nammitruck

Crepe Nation, LLC - San Antonio, TX - @crepenationllc

Rickshaw Stop - San Antonio, TX - @rickshawstopsa

 Well there you have it guys!! Please help support the FOOD TRUCK NATION and vote for your favorite trucks EVERYDAY!!! Remember, they are small business owners and that's what started everything!!! Without people like them we are all going to POT! 

Till next time....

Editor & Chief of The Penguin Gazette,

Rudy